Getaway Cars
by TokugawaSmile
Summary: There is a disease called Road Rage. Ex-Espada or not, Grimmjow is very susceptible to this plague on humanity, and poor Ichigo is left to suffer the consequences. Some GrimmIchi. Lots of stupidity.


I don't own Bleach, Ichigo, Grimmjow, or any other character for that matter. Damn.

_There is a disease called Road Rage. Ex-Espada or not, Grimmjow is very susceptible to this plague on humanity, and poor Ichigo is left to suffer the consequences._

So… this came about out of boredom, slight writer's block for my other fic, and actual road rage in my life that I struggle with occasionally. Usually I'm pretty mellow, but I have a ridiculous temper. Enjoy the idiocy and my lame attempt at humor.

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**Getaway Cars**

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So it's like this.

Do not attempt to drive through Karakura traffic midday unless you would like to sit at lights for hours and hear a constant chorus of car horns honking obnoxiously. Do not attempt to drive through Karakura traffic with one blue haired, short tempered, asshole. It goes without saying that attempting to drive through Karakura traffic with _any _Espada is not a good idea. Ichigo has thrown caution to the wind and disobeyed these "rules" to his better judgment.

Ichigo is an idiot.

"WHAT THE FUCK, THE LIGHT IS _GREEN_! GO ASSHOLES!"

Honk. Honk honk honk. …._HONK_.

_Ichigo is an idiot._ Who wants to kill someone with his bare hands and gorge out said someone's eyes. In case anyone was wondering, that someone is Grimmjow.

"Grimmjow," Ichigo hisses, fistS clenched white on the arm rest of Grimmjow's car. "The light has been green for a total of one and a half seconds."

Why did Ichigo let Grimmjow drive? Why did Ichigo agree to be a passenger in the ex-Espada's car? _Why?_ Ichigo cannot answer this. What possessed him to allow the man to drive him to the super market across town, he doesn't know.

They were making out in Grimmjow's tiny apartment he had acquired after the Winter War, courtesy of Urahara, and Ichigo mentioned he needed to pick up a few things for dinner, and Grimmjow begged and pleaded to let him drive. Thus, Ichigo is now about to commit homicide. Or suicide.

Grimmjow is exceedingly famous for having an abominable temper, and he's actually gotten better from living around humans and Ichigo. His patience has stretched about an inch or so, and his murderous desire is contained by fighting with Ichigo in Urahara's basement from time to time when they aren't focusing on other, more pleasurable activities. Grimmjow is usually calm and collected until provoked. And Ichigo _knows_ how he gets when he's behind a wheel of a vehicle. He takes every little thing another driver does as a challenge, or if he gets cut off, he practically puts his middle finger through the windshield in blind rage. He abuses the horn; he slams his fist on the dashboard, nearly breaking it, and laughs manically when _he_ cuts someone off. It's the scariest thing Ichigo will ever witness.

"Ichi, obviously you don't understand the fucking procedure of green lights. Green means go, therefore, you go. You do not sit like a dumbass, looking all around LIKE THIS FUCKER!"

Grimmjow's voice gets extremely loud and grates irritatingly on Ichigo's already frayed nerves. Ichigo's fingers twitch, ready to strike out and knock the blue haired man unconscious and take the wheel. They finally get through all the lights for the way up to the supermarket, but sadly, traffic is still creeping by at the pace of plants growing. Ichigo sighs heavily, glaring at his companion from the corners of his eyes. Grimmjow does not notice with his own eyes trained on sending out threatening messages to cars that pass by, also at a slow speed.

Children burst into tears upon exposure to this expression. Dogs stop yipping. Ichigo shudders. The power of intimidation is a strange tool in Grimmjow's road rage arsenal.

"You better blow me later for all this shit you're putting me through, Grimm," Ichigo mutters, crossing his arms across his chest as Grimmjow finishes cutting off some poor soul on a cell phone who actually kind of deserves it. Ichigo watches as the man's face gets red like a tomato and his mouth begins to move rapidly. Ichigo can only guess what he's saying. Rather, yelling.

Grimmjow chortles manically, lips splitting open in an infuriatingly sexy smirk, one hand leaving the steering wheel to slide up Ichigo's slender thigh to his crotch and squeezes.

"Later, baby," he promises devilishly.

And that's all it takes for Ichigo's fist to shoot out and smash Grimmjow in the side of his head, efficiently causing him to lose conscious while Ichigo steers them to the shoulder.

_No one_ calls him baby.

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The end.

Hahaha. Poor Ichigo. Like the drabble? Review. :)


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